The devil on my shoulder

Do not read beyond this line 

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Why can’t you be good at everything now? If you don’t pick up piano again, you will regret it in the future. You have to find a balance. If you don’t take your time, it will turn out crap. Why do I see so many couples? Be patient with yourself. You have to build good habits. It has to seem natural. You have to think about others. How come the machine wouldn’t accept my number? Would life be easier if I could do everything already? I need more time. Time passes so quickly. Would I feel more motivated if I had a significant other? I need to get my car license too. Why are there so many couples? I’m just tired. They said that if I put ten thousand hours into something I would see a difference. I would feel better. Is it just my mood? Why did my days get cut at work? What do people think of me? I need to stretch more. I red to pick up my diary again. Gardening would make me feel better. I’m just not getting enough exercise. I need to contact my friend. Dishes in the sink aren’t done. What time is it? Great, I forgot to floss. Why can’t I control my curiosity?

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While taking a very late walk, the angel and devil on my shoulders were hard at work. I had so many conflicting thoughts. My mind was very tired. However, waking up this morning I find myself in a more positive state of mind, but the devil on my shoulder always seems to return. It is hardest when the one that puts you down the most is yourself. You fight back and say I can do it – when something whispers Can you really?

What brings me back down to earth is remembering that I am not the only one with these conflicting thoughts. I am sure many can relate to the feeling of your emotions swinging like a pendulum.You tell yourself that you need balance, yet you should enjoy the ride. I want to hear about what happened to so-and-so at work, but I have to control my curiosity for good karma and remember that it is none of my business.

Though my suffering is incomparable to those who have experienced so much pain and gave up tremendous things for the good of others, it is difficult to see past my own pettiness and live to benefit those around me.

The reason to why I put Do not read in the beginning of this post is simply that: I do not want people to know what I am thinking. It is easier for people to interact with the bubbly girl who agrees with everyone. I myself am not happy to admit to how I am truly feeling, but a weight gets lifted of of me when honesty becomes the best policy. I feel more like myself when I turn my ear away from the whispers coming from devil on my shoulder.