Please wait.

Originally posted on Johnna Slaby:

Wait… please wait.

Please wait until I finish all of the cleaning that I have to get done today. The dust always seems to come to stay. There are always more clothes and dishes to be put away.

You will wait right?

Please wait… please wait until I have all of the piano pieces memorized. Until the guitar gets mastered, and when that old harmonica is on its last reed. There are so many notes to play and melodies to sing.

You can wait for that right?

Please wait… please wait. Until all all that needs to be toned gets toned. When I can look in the mirror and I smile at the way my body sits. The muffins I bake seem to be becoming muffin tops on my hips.

Until it all gets done, please hold on.

Please wait… Please wait. I still have letters to send, Thank You…

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Three…three…oh three’s…

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Run run run to catch the train.
Stand stand stand to lift the pain
Cry cry cry though there is no need
Hurt hurt hurt oh how your mind bleeds.

Wish wish wish till you go insane
Hope hope hope to stop this game
Grow grow grow learn from mistakes
Wince wince wince hide my face.

Stop stop stop I think too much
Sigh sigh sigh don't leave my love 
Go go go please do something else
Bye bye bye forever to my awful self

She played

I jotted this down while listening to my friends violin concert. I haven’t seen her in five years, and I was so impressed with her violin playing. 


photo-169The melodies move in a way I can’t explain. They are speaking to me but I don’t know the language. I listen hard and hope to decipher it. This language that couldn’t have come from us but belongs, and will forever be the tongue of the gods. Listen, take care, and they may grant you the miracle of being able to connect to a single note or phrase. The musician is the door to this language. I can’t believe I have known this woman for over 10 years. Oh, how she has changed yet the essence of her burns bright. When she plays, she looks up to the heavens, revealing to the audience the diamonds in her eyes. Then looks away, and she focuses, hiding her ivory stare. Oh, how beautiful she is. Oh, how beautiful her playing is. Oh, how amazing it must be to connect to something that is as wonderful as music. Oh, how fine it must be to speak the language of the gods.

Hearing her play made me transition into the world I want to forever be in. Not this current dream that I am living and have been living for as long as I can remember. Through her music I have seen possibilities and chances that I have not taken. I want to snatch them. I want to take them and make them apart of me. I want to feel the beauty in my bones and wake up. Not with groggy eyes, taking minutes to rub away the sleep. I want to look around and see the art of life. To smile at the unanswered questions. To love the who, what, when, where, why, and how of every situation and not be afraid of it. To not be afraid of mistakes. To own up to the lies I tell. To make up for all of the disappointments. To learn to say goodbye to people- even to those that love you. You have to go. Something, somewhere is calling you but you don’t know how to get there. You have to find it. You have to follow the voice. It needs you there for a reason and you are where you are for a reason. Something, somewhere is calling for you to come home.

What have I learned exactly?

photo-168I’m uncertain of how I should start off this post after a long hiatus. In my head, a lot has been going on, but at the same time it seems like I’m simply going through the motions rather than using my minutes, hours, days to the fullest.
I have started working at USJ officially and I’m currently on my second week. The first few days during the middle of my shifts I asked myself why in the world I decided to take this job. This week was a little bit better and upon finishing I thought, “I guess that this time it wasn’t so bad”.
In this short period of time I have learned a lot through this position, a few lessons that I can apply to my daily life as well.

What have I learned exactly?

I have learned to count money the correct way, and I have learned to speak politely in Japanese to customers. I have learned to smile. I learned that I am scared to go to certain areas of the park. I have learned to deal with customers that can be a little bit unpleasant, and realized that I cannot take their bad attitudes to heart. I have been in situations that made me have to stretch the truth to my superiors. I blamed a couple of things on the Chinese when it was my own incompetence. I beat myself up for that on the way home, but I am happy that I caught myself at least. I was not strong enough to handle it in the moment, but I am hoping that for next time I can because I am a bit more prepared.

There is a lot, a lot more that I have put to memory these past weeks, and I will update slowly on this Universal “journey”. I am not allowed to give away much for privacy reasons, but I think there is nothing wrong with mentioning experiences that are beneficial to growth.

On the way home, I saw this woman on the train. What was written on her shirt lifted my spirits.

The chance to learn

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I am on the train going back home after an evening of serving. It is 12:00 am. The restaurant that I work at will be closing soon and I will find myself in a new work environment- Universal Studios Japan.
I had training there last week and was unlike anything else I have ever experienced. From 10:00 AM in the morning to 6:00 PM at night, I was taught how to stand correctly and how to relax your face with smiling exercises.
Thinking about new work scares me. In the start of any new endeavor, I am always afraid of doing things incorrectly. When I first began at the Spanish restaurant, I was nervous and slightly dreaded the pressure of having to answer to my boss if I made a mistake. Confrontation is not my strong point, but the restaurant experience these past five months was the perfect balance and I am thankful I had the chance to work there.

Juggling the house work, studies, multiple jobs, exercise and play I sometimes I feel like I am in over my head. However, at the end of the day after an evening of waitressing, I smile as I walk home because I am so happy to have the chance to learn.

Thank you.

Cheers to all of the beautiful things and opportunities that surround me. Thank you so much for it all.
I smile at the clothes that are hanging from the line. I look down at the potato garden that is overgrown. I feel my lungs take in a breath while my heart beats away steadily. I have a lot to take in, and yet there are times I turn my face away from the beauty. I say no to what is happening in front of me today because of a bad mood or a cough. I say no to today because of social pressures and the stress I conjure up in my own head. I say no to today because of laziness and fear. I don’t want to say no anymore.

To take in each lovely moment and reply with,
thank you.