Don’t worry about reaching the top.

I have not written a blog post for a while. I started writing to figure out things about myself and sort out all that is happening in my head. But then I was afraid of my thoughts and writing not having enough depth. It bothered me that my writing was not beautiful enough and there was just too much growing to do. It scared me.

I wanted to write this blog to help me grow, and even stepping away from it also proved to be very helpful. We all procrastinate and  most of us have something that we wish we had continued. Like the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I realized that I missed writing and that I enjoy seeing my brain rants compiled.

I fish for the thoughts that are hidden in the dark corners of my mind, and I bring them to the surface to see them clearer. I find that writing helps you to get better acquainted with the one you spend the most time with: yourself. Sitting down to think will enable you to make wiser choices and decisions to make the best out of your life. History won’t be repeated (as much) and moving forward will be possible. You can track the ups and downs and see yourself start from an empty canvas to a painting with vivid colors.

What I also wish for myself is to learn from others. I don’t want to get caught up in my own limited thinking. What I want is to expand my horizons a little bit more each time I pick up a book, listen to a TED talk, or have coffee with a friend. The amount that we all have to learn can be intimidating, but if you look at your feet instead of the mountain you have to climb, you won’t worry about reaching the top. And when you finally do, will be a pleasantly surprised by how easy it actually was.

Work harder than yesterday.

Though I have a piano performance tomorrow, I am not feeling nervous. I am not feeling anything to be honest. It seems like a normal night. From past experiences, I’ve realized that I’m the most nervous ten minutes before I get on stage. 

I have the usual symptoms of stage fright: Sweaty palms and shaky legs. Both are great for loosing control and I have yet to find a cure. I have been preparing for a long time, and after a few minutes the song will be over. It is a short piece, but that does not make it easier. 

Did the great composers of the past feel nervous on stage as well? Have they ever gone blank in a middle of a piece? I believe performances get easier the more you trust yourself. When you know what you are doing, it will go down smooth. If it does not go as hoped, I will walk away telling myself that I did a good job and that I did all I could. 
After the judges scribble away notes, I’ll be giving myself a pat on the back to congratulate myself for working harder than yesterday.

Beautiful things don’t ask for attention.

I have not seen a good movie in a while, so I was pleased to see “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” in theater. It turned out to be pleasant. I was not planning on watching it, but I did, and was grateful for the spontaneity of the evening. One quote from it in particular I found refreshing : Beautiful things do not ask for attention.

When I heard this, women taking selfies came to my mind. I am guilty of wanting unessassary attention as well, so I can not blame anyone, but this quote is such a good reminder to how we must all be humble. The wonderful things that are around us each day in nature can not even hold a candle to us. Yet, we strive to have the attention put on ourselves and try hard to make ourselves known.
What are some beautiful things that do not ask for attention? 
The sound of a trickling stream. Animals slowly emerging from their secret hideouts. A sunset burning a fiery red.
The stars making their way into the night sky.
We all love compliments and attention, but it is a sobering thought that no matter how much you compliment the nature, that’s not what is going to make it grow.
The same with us, even though compliments feel good and are great to receive, ultimately they cannot help us. 
 
To me, compliments and encouragement are different things. I love applause and I welcome it, but I value kind words of advice much more. It helps me grow. I realize more and more each day how much encouragement will make you bloom all the more beautifully. 
 
I would like to learn to be like those lovely people whose soul shines by being themselves and don’t hold up a sign in attempts to boast to the universe. They live to spread love to those around them, and don’t expect anything in return. In them, true beauty is found.

What are your dreams telling you?

Merrily, merrily, merrily…life is but a dream.

They say that the only difference between dreams and reality is that dreams are predictable. If dreams were like the world we live in, then we would not be able to distinguish the two as easily. I can not remember mine as well as the actual memories that I have, but with practice and a strong willed mind, I’m sure that anything is possible.
 
What is it that you believe about dreams? Are they really scattered emotions and thoughts in the subconscious mind? Or do they contain a deeper meaning that must be examined in order to be understood?
 
I believed that to be true to a certain extent, but I never gave it much thought. 
It was only until last month when I had a terrible nightmare of my sister dying. When I woke up, I was quite uncomfortable. But out of curiosity, and a bit of worry, I checked up some dream signs on the internet. To my relief, what I found out was that whoever appears in your dream, is not the actual person at all. All of the people you see are an essence of yourself. 
 
A close person or sibling dying is a picture of a past you. That person currently possesses a trait or a quality that you once had. It is something that needs to return, but a part of you is rejecting it.
 
My sister and I are five years apart, and I could not figure out what quality she would have that I have long lost. 
Then it hit me. In my dream, she did not die in a normal way. She died at the gym. A lot of people were running a marathon in a large room, and my sister decided to run backwards upstream and ended up getting trampled. 
 
Currently my sister is very adamant about exercising and works hard. That is exactly what I did in a past life. When I was her age, I trained and exercised every day and until I had pretty good physique. I was quite proud of my achievement, but I started working and became busy. I no longer had time to workout- or so I believed.
 
I make numerous excuses for why I discontinue working towards my goals. 
 
Do dreams really leave you messages for the morning waiting for you to uncover them? I suppose it would depend on the dreamer, but it helped me remember a part of myself I had forgotten. What I’ve concluded is that even my subconscious is reminding me that I should lay off of the cake.
 
What are your dreams currently telling you?

All’s fair in Piano and War

The day was heavy for me. Because my piano competition is close, I think that is building some underlining tension in my head. “You just played that Mendelssohn piece like you are hiding”, my teacher told me.

It is very true, and I feel myself preparing for war whenever I touch the keys to play that song. It takes time for me to remember that it’s not that scary.

I go back into my shell and my body stiffens. Perhaps I am just nervous.
To be able to play enough times where the piece becomes part of you is a hard thing to do. I am just brushing the surface, but would like to dig a little further.

What do I love?

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Like most, I have this bad habit of not slowing down to smell the flowers. Sometimes I think I have even forgotten how. But my friend taught me something today. She asked me the question, “Why are you in such a hurry? The more you hurry, the faster you will get to dying.”

I always talk to the people around me about the work I have to do, but not as much about what I love. I feel that if I get into the habit of talking about the latter, I might be easier to be around.

What do I love? The smell of fresh laundry. The sound of pouring wine *glug glug glug*. Eucalyptus leaves. Snowflakes lightly falling outside. Constellations. The folds you find in clothes. Blueberry Cheesecake covered with cream. That one special person giving you one last glance over their shoulder as they leave. 

Somehow they each give me a sense of serenity, and you find yourself caught in that one moment that will be kept safe in your memory forever.

What is it that you love?