Keeping the kitchen sink clean

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I have been doing a lot of moving around Japan and have also been doing a lot of thinking. All of the people that have crossed my path, all of the same old ideas, fresh ideas, are going in circles in my head. I am trying to take in all of these things. I am trying to understand the confusion, the slight leaps of joy that my heart takes, the indifference that I feel when there should be emotion. I am wondering why certain things decided to play out in my life and I cannot be too sure if it will have a positive or negative effect on me. Some say that life is what you make out of it. A beautiful idea, but also a scary one for me considering the struggle I have to even keep the kitchen sink clean.

From a young age, I wished to be in control of my life. I would make lists and itineraries for myself to finish each day, and that would give me my sense of security. Making those lists and checking off the things I had to complete is what made my world comfortable and beautiful. Now I am skeptical to whether or not you can let beauty be forced rather then just let beauty be. Lists have their benefits, but for me they left me feeling passionless. They got me somewhere, but when I arrived I felt as if all my effort had been in vain. Nothing I did would ever be enough.

Recently, I have been reading things that have put my mind at ease. I am reading things that I enjoy, that I can understand through my own experiences. You may tell yourself that you are inadequate, but it’s okay. There is beauty in that. There is beauty all around, in the people, nature, and your own self.
It doesn’t have to be clawed out, but will shine through once the walls that the world made you build around yourself get torn down. For myself, I can only hope that something beautiful can someday come out of this wrenched soul. I can only hope.

In the meantime, I will hop on my bus back to Osaka and start my new job at the Bistro. I am looking forward to seeing what stories may come out of this experience.

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3 thoughts on “Keeping the kitchen sink clean

  1. There’s a strange beauty in the words used to convey someone else’s everyday life, more or less messy or rough or elegant than mine. I haven’t been keeping up with WordPress, but yours was the blog I still thought about how I was missing.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment 🙂 I have not been good about it either. With a lot of traveling and with a lot of things to keep me occupied, it became more difficult ^^ but when a post is finished, its a nice feeling. 😀

  2. Hmmm…I’m not sure if you planned it that way, but it was interesting seeing a nice progressive aspect to this post. Your journey took you on a road to discovery. You were welcomed with a different side of beauty you never knew and saluted with an understanding that combined what you never knew with what you just found out and learned.

    Character growth- an invaluable part of beauty in and of itself, don’t you think?

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