Oh, the things I wanted to be.

Here in Japanland, I’m currently working three different jobs in the Kansai area. I work part-time at Universal Studios, Kindai University, and Kindai Elementary school throughout the week, enjoying the different dynamics of each position. In the past as well, I worked on and off at different restaurants and learned a little more about how to work with customers. Despite the busy schedule, there is one position that I currently have my eye on. This one is different from the work that I have done up until now, and involves working at home from the computer. When I found it online, I instantly started daydreaming about applying for a job there. Yesterday I was challenged to think about why I want the job and be explicit about the reasons as to why this company would be a good match for me.

While I was pondering and doing a bit of writing for this, I got drawn back in time and thought about job aspirations from when I was younger.

1929830_13522060777_2605_n

I switched dream jobs a lot, but I enjoyed the idea of each one. Perhaps from reflecting on my younger self, I will be able to have a clearer answer as to my reasons for wanting to work from the computer.


When I was 5 years old, it was my dream to be Minnie Mouse. I don’t know how I planned on transforming into a fictional cartoon character, but I just wanted to become her. I liked the idea of it and had no concrete reasons for my passions.

When I was 8 years old, I wanted to be a banker because the uncle that I admired and aspired to be like was(and currently is)the manager of a bank in La Crosse, Wisconsin. He also told me that my math skills would get much better if I would work there. I liked the idea of being able to improve in something I wasn’t confident in while doing work that I liked.

When I was 10 years old, I wanted to be a baker. My hero at this time was Scooby Doo. I loved to eat and I thought I had finally found the best job for me. The possibility of baking for other people as well made me happy. While enjoying creating cakes that not only looked beautiful but tasted good, the idea of Eat, Drink, and Be Merry appealed to me.1929830_13522065777_2991_n

When I was 13 years old, I wanted to be a singer and pianist. My idols at the time were Hilary Duff, Fefe Dobson, and Avril Lavigne. I was really drawn into the teen idols of the time, and practiced singing until my tone-deaf self somehow managed to improve. I pursued this dream the longest, practicing and doing random concerts and entering competitions.

Now, I am 23. I still love all of these things. I work in merchandise so I do deal with money and my math has gotten better since I was five, though I have to admit I should brush up on my algebra and geometry.

I have classes at my house where I bake every week for students and get the chance to try my best at making creative foods. I also love to check out different cafe’s and restaurants in Japan.

I sing at different places and play live on occasion. I love the technical side of music and enjoy joining different open mikes in Osaka. It’s always in the back of my head to somehow play regularly for events.

1929830_13522080777_3968_nThe only thing that has yet to become a reality is the Minnie Mouse dream. That is one that I will have to keep on the back burner for now, but I am looking forward to what I could be doing in the future. Hopefully improving my writing and helping other customers and people in my life.

Bubblegum Clouds

photo-127

I saw the bubble gum color clouds tonight mingling with the light blue sky in the evening. A blue that took me back to when I was younger. I played a black and white memory that I could not recall as well as I would have liked to.

They were gone- those clouds in a moment. I left the room only for a short while, and came back to wanting those bubble gum clouds and that light blue to wipe the blues away from my life, but they left.

They left the night asking, will we come back?

(Sept. 2014)

That one fire burning

photo-114


Images pass by your eyes

It all seems like a dream

Fleeting hopes ad wishes

Till you fall asleep

Searching for meaning

And the gleaming light of day

With that one fire burning

To make all the fear go away

I see the ray of hope

That is peeking from your eyes

The one who doesn’t front

Who won’t believe the lies

The relationships you hold

Must be held and kept

Save the love and live

Please learn not to fret.

The most unfortunate thing

I hear him whispering sweet things in my ear. He tells me that he loves me. On my face, I force a sad, sweet smile and make a tear fall from my right eye.

I told him that I wish I could love him. I told him that now was not the right time. I told him we would never complete each other — that he would be unhappy.

I will never forget the melancholy expression on his face, on his whole that broke my heart. I tried to spare his feelings the best I could, but I realized then that nothing would work. I understood in that moment that heartbreak is quite inevitable when passions are not requited. When two hearts do not meet, it is the most unfortunate thing indeed.

This is what the woman in the painting told me.

What is the word

Are you quiet? Is life hard for you?

Lend me your mouth and my ear is yours.

Is it difficult to speak? You built brick walls high.

You feel caged by a world of pressure and expectation.

I will hand you my embrace and my arms will tear them down.

Do you take those things seriously? Do you not understand the world?

There is one word that keeps the goodness of our shallow world above water.

Can you guess what it is? Raise your hand to your beating drum and you will feel it.