If you are wondering about my suppressed smile as I read my emails- its is from my true love. Yes, just like the multiple Disney movies that I have seen, I have finally found a Prince Charming to call my own. A fairy tale world made up of constant emailing and sweet words whispered into my ear as we make love. Little do I know that my emotions are putting up a wall that I think I am protected by, but can tumble easily with a few drinks or a lapse of judgment. What feels like security, is actually a relationship so fragile- hanging on by a thread. He is worth the risk though, because my feelings of bliss with him means more to me than the world.
I am selfish- I only care about myself. And worse: I care about my present self. I have no sympathy for the future me and inevitable pain that I will feel. I ignore it all and keep smiling that suppressed smile of mine.
Do you ever feel like these steps? Every time I pass this in my neighborhood I am reminded that I need to direct my efforts in the right way and work smart. You can build stairs in all the spots you want, but if you don’t have a goal or a place you want to go, you won’t get anywhere. You will just get tired from going up and down aimlessly.
How often do you meet people that reflect your own light to you? I am so thankful for all of the friends (and non-friends) in my life that show me a little about my self each time I meet them. When I am in a bad mood, I try to get into the habit of asking myself- WHY? Why am I in a bad mood. I made it a game to trace all of my feelings to the core. If I am feeling a strange tension with someone, I try to question it. It is most likely me and my own adolescent feelings going beszerk, but I would like to try to understand myself more and why my subconscious mind is reacting this way.
Current book in my lap: Fahrenheit 451. I love page turners.