How to draw..beautiful

I wrote this in Bali when I was feeling *ahem* exceptionally grateful. The following is a lot of random sentences and a lot of venting. I thought it was funny though because of the slightly contrasting themes of the whole paragraph and the very last sentence. We all have someone to thank or things to be thankful for. What good things happened to you today?

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How to draw…..how you say…. beautiful?

You can learn to draw pretty by staring at pretty things of long periods at a time.Maybe by even letting them happen. Some awesome things I’ll just list: Met a guy named Theo at the coffee shop. Made friends with two cool Israeli girls. Had lunch at the synagogue. Drank Starbucks. I feel like this trip has been turing out very beautifully, and I have the Fukadas and the people I met to thank. Not to mention God who plays and pulls the strings for me.
But I think I am tipsy now.

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I almost died this morning.

I almost died this morning. I might be exaggerating when I say that because you can not predict freak accidents, but it could have very well happened.

I woke up early- tired yet pumped, and decided to chop down the forrest that had grown in my backyard while I was away on vacation. For a good portion of the morning, I had managed to get a lot done with my hand-held grass cutter. I was pleased that I had been able to finish the front of the house and beamed at the job I had done, when I noticed I had missed a spot. My mind decided that my body still had a bit of juice left and went back to chopping.

Now, what you have to know is that the front of the house and the back are on different slopes with stairs connecting the two sections. Tired, hungry, and clumsy being not the best of combos, I fell off of those steps with the knife in my hand and nearly landed on top of it- sharp end up. It happened so fast and I had no time to think.

Words cannot express how grateful I was as I emerged from the bushes to discover that I had but a few scrapes. I shivered the rest of the morning when I started thinking about the multiple ways it could have gone down. I did not like where my mind wandered, but I decided that it will defiantly be helpful for future reference.

As I write this I hear an ambulance in the background, and I thank GOD that it was not me in there this morning. I am so fortunate that I have a chance everyday to explore and to live.

Ending on a more realistic note: I swear that I will be more careful when I am holding sharp objects.

Shake the box

On the way home from swimming at a lake, a tired girl had an Itouch rant:

I told my sister on our way home yesterday that I was feeling like I was void of emotion. At my core, I have always been more of a listener and not a talker. With guesswork, I can bet my two cents that the homeschooling background and the fact that we were born and raised in Japan made me more sensitive yet indifferent to issues that required serious thought.

I feel extremely blessed to have been brought up in the way that I was, but at the at the same time, something is off. Something is missing. I don’t know if it is just some pathetic plea for attention, but I am hoping that the void can be filled somehow.

I brushed off negative emotions because I thought they made me weak. It is difficult to listen to myself and easy to dismiss pessimistic feelings. There are times when I force myself to be happy because I believed that that is what would make me feel accepted. My default is happy, but there are times when I do want to be alone. 

Amongst all of the mixed feelings, there is a lot of gratefulness. I am grateful for friends I can be genuine with. I am grateful for hobbies that I feel like I don’t have to stress out doing. I grateful that I have God always watching over me even though I have been neglecting Him so much. I am grateful for the happiness I get just before I take a bite out of something delicious.

It is late, so that is probably why my emotions are on a high now, but it is organic and I am glad for that.

At the end of a blogpost, I usually wrap it up with a simple conclusion and we are all on our way; in real life, there is never a conclusion. We want things packaged up all nice and presented to us in a way that is easy to understand. But it is the question marks in life that are interesting. It is the unanswered questions make us want to shake that box.

Don’t spend time beating on a wall.

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Do not spend time beating on a wall hoping to transform it into a door.

This was on a bag that a woman was holding on the way home from work today. With all of the funny Japanese t-shirts and merchandise, this one made sense. There were many times in my life where I would try to change things that couldn’t possibly change. The fact that change was not possible made me more frustrated and that shallow whisper of, “Maybe… Just maybe”, haunted my mind. You can’t change a person, you can only hope for yourself to change. It doesn’t matter what happens around us, but if your mind is sober and you do what you can in your limited time, beautiful things can happen. It’s nice to know that it’s not our past mistakes that our holding us back, but our current mindset.

I am so grateful for second chances- and that second chance is called now.