I shall call this post Emily

This was my second time coming to Singapore. I decided to follow in the footsteps of my past-self and go to the Singapore Art Museum on my first full day. The exhibits change every three months so there is a feeling of constant flow as you walk through the halls. The building itself used to be an all-boys school and is very aesthetically beautiful.

Walking though the glass doors, it seemed like a different place compared to my last visit, as if I had met an old friend after ten years.

Last year, it was the crutch of my trip. I spent a good eight hours in there carefully soaking up each exhibit, installation, and painting because I didn’t want to forget anything.  This year was the same, taking things in and trying to figure out the meanings behind them or how they could apply to my own life.

One of the exhibits was called Not Much to See which explored the importance of commonplace objects in Singapore’s environment. Though I don’t live there, I could relate to the simple every-day items. While looking around I got to have the pleasure of talking to the museum volunteer in charge of watching Not Much to See. We got into a deep conversation fast and before ten minutes would end, she told me that she loved me and that God will protect me. She told me that she will be praying for me while I rode my bus. I had no idea at the time how much her prayers would help me. The cute, short, Singaporean lady in her fifties ended our conversation with, “And my name is Emily! It stands for Every Moment I Love You!”

I left the museum and re-read the paragraph that they had posted in the front:

You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept other statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic. 

I ended the day with going to Gardens by the Bay with my new Brazilian friends. It was fun, but the crowds made me exhausted and I wanted to go home. I was excited to finally get back to the hostel when they suggested looking for a restaurant to eat out at. We searched for a place that was open at midnight, and after a lot of shops turned us down, we found Burger King. I don’t eat fast-food so I declined and nibbled on the apple I had left in my bag. We finally returned to the hostel for the second time– tired, holding an unopened bottle of wine that they wanted to drink. I decided to go straight to bed and slept peacefully until I woke up in the morning to a tapping on my head.

Recent ramblings of an irritated gypsy

I have been moving around a lot recently.

In the past month, I have visited Nagano, Tokyo, Hiroshima, Wakayama, and Okayama. It sounds like a lot of fun, but most of the time I was sleeping on trains. These past two days had been spent visiting Hiroshima with my mother and my younger sister. I am really big on traveling by myself, so I was a little stressed in the beginning of the trip. A lot of factors could have caused the ill feelings; I wanted to do a lot of sketching, but I didn’t think I would do much work while I traveled with my family. In the afternoon, I started to feel better after the cranky emotions subsided.

Last week when I was in Wakayama, I experienced a work-o-holic type of selfishness where I did not want to give up my precious time to talk to anyone. I was so adamant to get a sketch done that when a stranger greeted me, I would just nod politely without saying anything and quickly be on my way to find a quiet place to sketch. The drawing turned out fine, but when I look back at it now, I feel melancholy.

One of the reasons I had started drawing in the first place was because of the beautiful friendships that had formed through art and talking to people I didn’t know. It made my drawings interesting and I would smile when I looked back at the memories I had made. Slowly, I started to forget why I started sketching in the first place. I would focus on myself more than the people around me. That day I drew in Wakayama, I caught the picture but I lost the experience.

My challenge for the Hiroshima trip was to do my best to be open-minded and not let myself be controlled by negative emotions. Cranky feelings did take their toll, but when I could help it I did what I could to be pleasant.

Going to Hiroshima: Morning

I woke up to a phone call from my mother asking if I was awake and ready to leave. The previous night I had chaperoned my younger sisters on a three hour hike up a mountain in the middle of the night. I went to bed dead and I woke up in the morning dead. I had not packed yet so I quickly stuffed a couple of T-Shirts into a backpack and went on my way at 6 o’clock in the morning. I cannot remember much due to the zombie state I was in, but it was a long 6-hour trip to Hiroshima. 

Our first stop was the Holocost Memorial Museum. I was still uptight when we got there, and I had been wanting to use the bathroom since I had left my house. Four hours later, I was so excited when I found one at Fukuyama Station. I entered a stall, and right before I shut the door, a young schoolgirl stopped me and just stood and stared at me, looking confused at my decision to use the toilet though I had been waiting in line for ten minutes. “Do you … want to go first…?” I asked. She said yes and moved me out of the way.

Arriving in Hiroshima Prefecture, Afternoon:

We visited the museum, and it was arranged in a way that you walk through Anne Frank’s life. It made me remember the intense feelings I had when I watched movies like Shindler’s List and Life is Beautiful. There was some really graphic imagery in the building.

I found a beautiful poem on glass at the end of the tour that stuck with me.

The Butterfly

The last, the very last,
So richly, brightly, dazzlingly yellow.
Perhaps if the sun’s tears would sing
against a white stone…

Such, such a yellow
Is carried lightly way up high.
It went away Im sure because it wished to kiss the world good-bye.

For seven weeks Ive lived in here,
Penned up inside this ghetto.
But I have found what I love here.

The dandelions call to me
And the white chestnut branches in the court.
Only I never saw another butterfly.

That butterfly was the last one.
Butterflies don’t life in here,
In the ghetto.
-Pavel Friedman

Looking around we also found a book that seemed like something I could use.

 

Who needs a break? Evening:

We planned to go to Mijyajima in the afternoon. Miyajima is an island that is famous for the huge Torii Gate and the deer sleeping all around. We were only there for a short while, but I managed to draw a sketch of a shop that sold oysters —  a popular food there.

When we got back on the ferry to the mainland, we met a couple of Japanese girls from Yokohama that were also on vacation. We discovered that we were staying at the same hotel and had a fun time talking about traveling and the like.

When we reached our hotel, I was happy to take off my shoes. My mother, who has an incredible amount of energy, suggested going out again for the evening to an Irish pub she had been to on her previous visit. On the way, we bumped into the same girls from Yokohama and asked if they would like to join us. My mom stuffed them well and we all returned to the hotel exhausted.

We arrived at the hotel at 12 PM. As soon as I got back, I died on the hotel bed.